you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
