This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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