hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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