I didn't shave. On purpose
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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