Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
