On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
