On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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