cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
And then he peed in my hair
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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