I heard we made out
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
