I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
