UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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