Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
