So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
