Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
