Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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