Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
