i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
