I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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