OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
