you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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