Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
