I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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