i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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