Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
