She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
