I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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