Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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