I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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