I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
