Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
