I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pants are for mortals
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
