The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
