Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
