So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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