She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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