Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
