i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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