Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
