were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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