I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
