Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
