this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
