sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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