He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
