OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
