a queef is a wish your heart makes.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
