apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
