I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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