I think I died a long time ago.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
