Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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