oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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