Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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