I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
