Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
