my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
