hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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