Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
