beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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