you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
