I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
