i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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