And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
